MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR MENTORING ADVENTURE
By Tom O’Rourke
January 2023 Article #3 – 2023
In mentoring, you are either mentoring someone, or you are searching for someone to mentor you. I would like to address both experiences in this post.
You as the person who is seeking a mentor:
You can call it what you desire…a mentor, coach, advisor or maybe something else, but everyone, professionally and privately would benefit from someone in their life that can serve as a trusted advisor.
I have found that people that have advised me in my past were people that I already had a relationship with. These usually are people that I admire and that I look up to. People generally want to help others. If you are respectful of their time and if you ask properly, I think you will find the help that you are looking for. Choose carefully. You will find out quickly, that the biggest waste of your time will be if you have the wrong mentor. Give your choice the appropriate amount of thought, and if it is not working as you wanted, move on.
There is no handbook for mentoring…okay, there are plenty of handbooks for mentoring, but I don’t really like many of them. Do yourself a favor and write your own book on what you want from a mentor and why you are even seeking mentorship in the first place.
Some things to remember:
- One size does not fit all. One person cannot be an expert on everything. I have not been a big fan of latching onto one person to provide all your mentoring needs. Stay close to those that you admire and that will give their time. When seeking out this person you may not want to start off with…” Will you be my mentor?” You may want to start off the conversation by addressing the topic that you are interested in. For example: “I’m a young professional and have the desire to one day lead a large department, what do you think I should do today to position myself for these opportunities?”
- Don’t just look “UP.” Mentors are not always people that are older than you or have a higher position than you. They may not be people that are highly recognized. I still seek out mentor relationships. Never do those that I am engaging with know that I am attempting to gain from their insight. My mentors today are often very young inspirational people.
- Mentoring can be Single Issue. A valuable mentoring situation can be on one issue in one discussion. I remember a few years ago when the Black Lives Matter movement was gaining national attention. I had insecurities as a white male understanding that there was no way that I could understand this movement from the perspective of an African American. I scheduled a video conference call with 4 African American Park and Recreation Leaders that I knew and respected. It was one of the best mentoring situations I’ve ever had in my life. It was only one phone call. Don’t let a single issue reside unresolved in your mind. Seek out those that can help.
You as the Mentor
- Know exactly what it is that the mentee is looking for. Then address those issues. Handle each issue individually.
- Don’t talk too much… (My biggest fault!) This is not about you; it is about your mentee.
- Be human and real – We all have made mistakes and wished we have done some things differently. Let your mentee know this. Seeing you, someone they look up to, as just a regular person who has had issues in your past, will make them more comfortable.
- Don’t think you need to set up some sort of concrete answers or guidance. They may just need someone to talk through these issues. Understand also that you may not have answers or suggestions.
- Always remain confidential. Never repeat any information shared by your mentee.
- Be humble – I saved this one for last because it is most important. Your mentee doesn’t care about what you did or how great you are, (and neither does anyone else,) so you need not remind them.
In my last post on this site, Post #2, I talked about the foundational things necessary to maintain a good relationship. Mentor-Mentee is simply a relationship. If you are curious, go back to Post #2 and review these.
I urge you to seek out Mentoring relationships. These relationships will help you, help your Mentee or Mentor, and help our profession.